Tears on the Scale

Ha! I know what you are thinking.  She got on the scale and started crying.  Sorry, no such luck.  Due to a week of illness in my house, I personally just avoided the scale (because I use the scale at the YMCA and I didn't make it to the Y this week!)

No, the tears I'm talking about came from the show "The Biggest Loser." Anybody else watch this show?  I LOVE it. I used to watch it while eating a bowl (or two) of ice cream.  Now, I'm taking big steps to eating popcorn while watching the show.  Anyway, this week they had the dreaded "Red Line" at the weigh in .  After all of the contestants weighed in, who ever had the least percentage of weight loss dropped below the Red Line and were automatically sent home.  As the beginning of the show is happening they keep showing this girl and her dad working out.  He does not want her to fall below the red line so he is on her all week to make sure she is working extra hard.  She is one of the smallest girls there so he was concerned. They show him waking her up at 5:30 a.m. and hitting the gym.  There are three other parents there with their kids.  They are also extremely concerned about their kids going home before they do.  Ok, there's the set up.

So, it's time for the weigh-in and blah, blah, blah a few people go, then it's time for the girl and her dad.  She loses 7 lbs and he loses 11 lbs.  You ROCK!  Then the other dad... He gains 2 lbs.  The first mom... Gains 1 lb.  The second mom.. GAINS 8 POUNDS.  Her daughter starts crying.  Awesome drama for NBC.  And then she explains.  "Allison, you are a mom..." and begins to tell how she just could not let her daughter or one of these "kids" go home.  She said the reason her daughter had the problem in the first place was because of her, and she wanted to make sure she got the chance to finish the change.

 The rest of the contestants are crying.  I am crying. Wow.

(This is the BEFORE picture of Deni and her daughter.  She had lost a ton before she left)


First of all, Kudos to her for telling the truth.  There have been many times in this show where people obviously throw the weigh-in and they won't admit it.  Like they can fool all of America.  Sorry, I digressed. ;)  What a sacrificial gift.  It definitely tugged on my mom heart.  She loved her daughter enough to put her first.  I think for most moms, if it could ever be you instead of them, you would take it.  My kids are little and I already have felt this way so many times.  I don't want them to experience physical hurt, emotional pain, disapointment or failure.

After the crying stopped they showed a clip of the dad who lost 11 lbs.  He said something to the effect of  "sure it was nice what she did, but she went about it the wrong way."  He didn't want his daughter to go home and so he pushed her.  He didn't take three steps back just in case she had a bad week.  He helped make sure she had done the work for a good week.

Let's not get into a discussion about whether the other girls did all they could, or who was right, or who was wrong.  Instead... this is what came out of it for me.

How amazing is the love of a parent to a child.  Elizabeth Stone said "“Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body." I resonate with this quotation so much.  I can't even put into words what I would do for my children.  I am by no means the perfect mom.  But, I absolutely love my children.  So much that when I even think about the possibility of something happening to them I can hardly take it.   And when it comes down to something important, I would do anything for them.  I can't promise them the biggest house or best clothes, but I can give them love.  And when you stop and really think about the love you have for your children, you have one of the best pictures we can have on earth of God's love for us.  Imagine, His love is greater than the love you have for your children.  (I know, some of you are bringing out your mama-bear boxing gloves.."It's not greater than my love." "NOTHING is greater than MY love." Settle down. :)  Maybe not anything on earth.  But, God loves us more than we can imagine.

Last summer, the kids at Mega Sports Camp learned this song.  It gave me chills...

Your love is deep. 
Your love is high.
Your love is long.
Your love is wide.

Your love is deeper than my view of grace
Higher than this worldly place
Longer than this road I've traveled
Wider than the gap you fill.

Go ahead.  Savor the love God has for you. 

All of this sparked from an episode of "The Biggest Loser." I guess watching TV is a productive use of my time. :)

I Stole Their Heart(s)!

Wow, I can't believe it has been a week since I have "blogged." Amazing how even something that is so refreshing sometimes gets pushed aside in the business of life.  Anyway, this is one that has been written in my mind for a few days now and has yet to make it onto paper... until now. :)

February 11th was my Father-in-law's 60th birthday.  To celebrate we went out to eat at a Chinese buffet and had a great time.  Well, almost everyone had a great time.  Selah was in a mood.  She was crying, clingy, and down-right grouchy.  At one point she started to get in a better mood, and while the table was silent she said "What the heck?!" loudly.  (By the way, it took a lot for me to share that.  No, she doesn't hear that regularly. No, we don't say that.  No, I'm not proud of it.  So, please friends, don't judge me.) We all started laughing and that sent her over the top.  She put her head down and was mad.  We wrapped up pretty shortly after that and then headed home.  I genuinely don't remember all of the details but the next few hours seriously stressed me out... to the point of tears.  Finally, we got the kids to bed, and Barak headed to bed since he had an early morning and I was alone.  Note: I SHOULD have gone to bed. Instead, I walked into the kitchen, had a big sigh, and started CRAVING chocolate. (Something that I was supposed to be doing without.  Remember... Happy New You!) Anyway, I didn't have any and was disappointed until I remembered something that was on top of the fridge.  My mom had sent some Valentine's Day packages home with me to save for the kids on Valentine's Day.  There were four packages with equal amounts of candy, popcorn, and goodies in them nicely wrapped in cellophane and gathered together with ribbon.  I stared.  I picked one up.  I examined it.  I saw... a Reece's Peanut Butter Cup Heart.  My FAVORITE.  Oh, wow.  I love them.  So, I sneaked my fingers through the gathers of the cellophane and grabbed one out.  I ate it.  And then I thought "Well, that really isn't fair.  They are going to realize that they are the only one without a PB Heart." So, I did what I thought was the most fair thing.  I ate the other three.  :)
It kind of makes me laugh when I actually admit to that.
So, the next Tuesday I was exercising with my good friend and workout partner and I confessed what I did to her.  She said "Didn't you feel badly?" To which I replied "No."  She said "Really?" I said "No."  We laughed.  Then we had a good conversation about my struggles with turning to food when I'm stressed.  This was not a new talk, but one that needed to happen again.  She said, let's just start with a small goal.  You make it without sweets until we work out again together on Thursday.  I said OK.  And I did it!  There were some moments that I wanted to cave (Like when there were 50 CASES of World's Finest Chocolate in my office for a fundraiser.  Yeah, I didn't think that through!) but I didn't. I prayed.  I redirected my cravings.  I have been reading an amazing book called "Made to Crave" by Lysa TerKeurst and she talks about how we were made to crave God. To rely on him for strength. For comfort. For provision.  NOT on food. NOT on Peanut Butter Hearts.  :)

  (((SIDE TRACK: By the way, an awesome book for anyone who is struggling with this.  She is a fun author, yet absolutely connected to God.  I felt like she stepped inside my head when she wrote it. )))

So, on Thursday my friend wasn't able to make it to work out before I had to leave.  So, she texted me and said "I do need to talk to you though, so I will stop over." First of all, I was thinking "NUTS, my house is not in order." Next I thought, what in the world is this about.  I texted back "Am I in trouble?" To which she responded "Did you do something to get in trouble?" Wow, she knows how to make me crazy! So I waited and then she came over and asked me how I did with sweets from Tuesday until then.  I told her I had made it and was feeling good.  She said "Awesome." And then handed me some eyeshadow. (more on that another day.) A little gift as a reward.  What a sweet friend.  So blessed by her. Thank you Cambria! :)
And to my sweet mom, I'm sorry I stole their Hearts! <3

Love is PATIENT!!!

February 14, 2011!  Ahh,  the day of LOVE. Hannah told us that Valentine's Day was her favorite holiday- that it even topped Christmas! She loved making cards for everyone and getting them.  So, last night I stayed up to make sure the kitchen was cleaned up with cute cards and the candy from Grandma at everyone's place (Wow! That cyber talk paints a perfect picture... never mind the literal mountain of laundry a few rooms away.  At least the kitchen was clean!) Anyhow, the kids woke up and looked at their cards and the morning started out picture perfect.

The rest of the day was very busy.  I'm not sure if Selah just had a case of the "Monday's" or what, but she was not coping well with life.  There was lots of her making mad faces, crossing her arms, throwing herself on the floor, yelling for me to hold her... you get the idea.  *Sigh.*

In the morning I was able to grant extra grace to Selah, cuddle her, and move past the bad mood.  But, by 4:00, I was just plain tired of it.   But, I had a plan.  I would put her to bed early, and send Joshua to bed early with Barak, and then head out on a "date" with Gideon and Hannah to our church fundraiser at Pizza Hut.  So, early evening rolls around and Selah is exhausted! Pulling out all the stops! Mooooommmmmyyyyy.  Hoooooooooooolllllllllllllllllllldddddddddddddddd meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.  These words are nice at first, but moms I'm sure you are with me that the "hold me" demand gets old quickly.  I put her in bed and sat next to her.  I stared at her beautiful face and had a moment of peace.  "Happy Valentine's Day Selah, I love you."  She grabbed my head and kissed me on the cheek and said "I love you mom."  In that moment, I truly was so blessed.  I started thinking about the true meaning of love and parts of 1 Corinthians 13 were going through my head.
"Love is patient, Love is kind...."

 And then..... she drifted off to sleep.... Not! (Am I still allowed to use the whole "not" thing or did that leave in 2005.  I have no idea.) Anyway, I wish that was how the story ended but it wasn't.    Then, she rolled over and started in on the whining and crying agian. She kept saying "moooooooooooommmmmmmmm."  Then she would yell "I want a drink." Then, "I have to go potty." "I need other pajamas." Oh my, was I ever DONE by this point.  I started uttering the point that God had just quickened in my heart "Love is patient, Love is kind."  And she kept whining. "Love is patient, love is kind."  I grew more and more frustrated.  "Love is PATIENT!! Love is KIND.  By this time imaginary smoke was blowing out of my ears.
Was this really too much to ask?  A fun little dinner out with my older two children, in a quiet and relaxed setting! "LOVE IS PATIENT!!!!!!!!!!   LOVE IS KIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNND!!!! 

Wow.  What an inaccurate and horrible picture of God's loved I portrayed in that moment.

"Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children, and live alive a life of love, just as Christ loved us and game himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God."  Ephesians 5:1

On this day celebrating "love" I was reminded that God loves me even when I'm "unlovely."  And I am to love others with that same love.  I am to love those who are easy to love, and those who make it difficult.   I am to love those who have hurt me.  I am to love those who have frustrated me.  I am to love those I know and those I don't know.  I am to love when I am tired and when I am alert.  I am to love... just as He loved us.. 

Happy Valentine's Day Friends!

Alarm Will Sound

Today after my son's swim meet we met my mom at Pizza Hut for lunch (YUM!).  After we finished eating my mom used the restroom and I was getting a salad for my husband.  I looked over and saw my son looking out the back door. You know, the "fire" door with the big sign on it that says "If you open this door the alarm will sound."  I shook my head in an emphatic "NO!."  As I was paying for the salad I looked over and saw him with his hand on the handle.  I started saying "Do not touch that........" and then "OOOOO OHHHHHHH OOOOOOOOO OHHHHHHHHH.  The siren started going off!  Of course the whole restaurant looked over.  The manager came and turned it off.  As we were walking out I overheard a mom saying "See, that is why you aren't suppossed to touch that.  Because the alarm goes off.  Like that kid just did."
*Sigh*
Surprisingly, I really wasn't mortified by this whole experience.  I have definitely had WAY worse happen in my 7 1/2 years of parenting, and I happened to be in a very good mood. (Lucky for him!)  But I started thinking.  Why did he do that? The sign clearly says "Do not open. Alarm will sound." And then he had to do it.  As if since it said NOT to, he wanted to do it more.  If it said "OPEN THIS DOOR." I'm sure he wouldn't touch it with a 10 foot pole.

Aren't we the same way?  Our spouse asks us to do something extra for them.  Our boss tells us the way things should be. While praying for answers to a dilema in life we hear a quiet whisper from God that would require sacrifice and radical obedience... and we walk the other way.  The rebel in us says "Yeah right, you aren't going to tell me what to do!"

  I know this is a shocker but I'm actually a pretty "strong willed" person. I know.  Ha. Ha.  Ok, back on track.  As much as I hate to admit it, I like to do things my way. Sometimes this means I end up not listening to what my husband, or a trusted friend, or God says.  And I usually regret it.
In John 14:23 Jesus said, "If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching." I'm praying for a heart that wants to obey Him at ALL times. Because I love Him, and because I want His best for my life.  I'm praying this for my son too... Yes, so he can experience abundant life in Christ. And....Yes, so I will not have to experience the embarrassement of the alarm going off again in Pizza Hut.  :)

An Inadequate Punch in the Gut

Today was Selah's Valentine's day party at preschool.  All of the kids have Valentine's day parties in the next few days and have to bring cards for all of their friends.  I was planning on being "fun" and letting the kids make their own cards, so we had gotten glitter and all that stuff on Tuesday.  Well, after a foam berry got stuck in an ear and 5 hours (total) at the  doctors I did not get to Selah's homemade cards.  So, this morning we rushed around and headed to the store before her school.  I grabbed a bag of suckers and a sharpie and then sat in the car and filled in "from Selah" part of the suckers.  When I got to her school, walked her in her class, and saw the Valentine's mailboxes sitting out.  And there it was.  My first punch of in adequacy of the day.  The beautiful celophane wrapped bag with a teal bow tied around it.  It had a homemade sugar cookie in it, a balloon, a piece of candy, and a homemade tag that said "From George*" *The name has been changed.  Wow.  Definitely beat me for the day in the "cool mom" category.  My suckers...well, sucked. ;)
I made a quick recovery telling myself something like "you can't do it all.  She loves the suckers. blah, blah, blah" and headed to work at the college.
I got there and it was extremely quiet.  Like, weird quiet.  Not a single person was there and the class that is normally in session wasn't.  I just went in my office and started plugging away.  A bit later one of the profs came and told me that they were all in a symposium and apologized that the word hadn't gottten to me.  They were hearing a few former students speak on growing more Christlike while in Christian ministry.  He told me their names and they were all students I went to school with... AMAZING ones at that, and are doing awesome things in ministry today. He invited me to come over around 11.   Hearing this I think "Ok, not a big deal.  I'm only there 2 days a week and things slip through the cracks. Sounds like a good opportunity to see your old friends."  But that's not what I thought at the moment.  No, at that moment I got a huge punch of inadequacy straight to my gut.  I welled up in tears like a 7th grader and shut my office door.  I pulled out my Bible and read a chapter, but I still had all of these feelings rushing around.  Feelings of inadequacy.  I started texting Barak and telling him what was going on.   I sent him a message that said "Part of me wants to go see them but the other part of me just feels stupid, like they will think 'There's Melissa, she used to be great but now she's not."  I followed this message with another one that said "Sorry about the meltdown."  ;)
In my ridiculous, tainted, worldly thoughts, I reverted back to comparing myself to others and feel as though my worth came from how I measured up to them.  Back in the "day" I received this award during my senior year called the Forester Award.  Only one student got it from each department and I received it from the Ministry department.  I was truly shocked and yet it was something that really meant a lot to me-mostly because I graduated with amazing men and women.  And yet, through the years whenver I have thought of this I almost feel sad.  I feel completely undeserving and like I haven't measured up to the ministry expectations that people saw in me when I graduated.  Today was a clear picture that I wasn't *quite* over those feelings.  Hence, the ridiculous crying spell in my office.  Good thing I was the only one there!
But, after my "moment" I started to pray and think about it, and I began to feel peace.  I had pieces of scripture come to mind like "My grace is sufficient for you."  And I paused.  And I thought about where I was in life instead of that "amazing" youth ministry that I thought I would be in.  I thought about Gideon. Hannah. Joshua. Selah.  About getting to take my inadequate suckers to the Valentine's party.  And I felt the grace of God.  I felt the love of God. As if he were saying "I am adequate, and if you remain in me, you are too..." Even if my suckers, well,  you know.  :)

Stuck!

Today started awesome.  Got up at 5:22 a.m., took a shower, had a date with God, got the kids ready for school without any problems, and we were EARLY to school.  The morning and early afternoon went well, and then Joshua and Selah came with me to get Gideon and Hannah from school because Barak wasn't feeling well and was taking a nap.  After school we stopped at the store to get some Valentine Card making supplies.  Then we came home and did homework.  The kids started making cards.  There was glitter everywhere.  You get the picture.  Needless to say my bloodpressure was rising and I was getting stressed.  No one was really being bad... I was just kind of "done." Been there? 
The light at the end of the tunnel was that at 5:00 Gideon had swim practice and we were all going to the Y.  The other kids would be in their classes and I would have an hour and a half to work out with a good friend.  Beautiful. 
It took 30 minutes to get from inside our house and in the car.  Joshua was playing around and avoiding getting in the car and I finally said (in a voice a 'touch' louder than normal) "SHUT THE BUCKLE AND GET IN YOUR DOOR!" He started cracking up... which made me crack up and lightened the whole mood.
On the way to the Y the kids were being loud and crazy, but in a fun way.  I was counting down the minutes until my alone time...err, my workout.  Everyone quieted down and Hannah said calmly "Mom, Gideon and I were just being silly and now it's stuck and I can't get it out."  "What's stuck?" I asked. "The berry," she said. (After a few moments of questioning I discovered she was talking about a fake berry from a decoration in my trunk that was on it's way to a new home.) "Where is it stuck?"  Hannah said "My ear."
Shocked, I just started laughing.  Hilarious!  I genuinely thought I was gonna wet my pants (cross that off my list! Woohoo!)  I started asking her about how it happened.  Then she said "It's not funny mom!" At that moment I did stop laughing and genuinely felt badly.  But, I still didn't think it would be a big deal.  We pulled up to the Y and I dropped Gideon off for swimming.  I parked the car to take a look at her ear and figured we would be right inside. BOY DID I NEED A BREAK! I looked at her ear and to my surprise... it was STUCK! Like, really stuck.  Sigh. 
Good thing the Y is really close to our doctor's office.  We drove on over and slipped in the waiting room.  The nurse came out to talk to me and said "Hey, I remember you.  She (pointing to Selah) had the broken leg."  I remembered how kind this nurse had been on another crazy day at 5:00 (that's a story for another day) and was thankful to see her! "Melissa! The broken leg nurse.  Yay!"  I then asked her if it would be a good idea to use my handheld dyson to suck the berry out of her ear and she said "No." But, they did agree to see Hannah after their last 3 patients.  I'm not gonna lie, I was having a selfish moment.  "Really?! I have to sit in the doctors office for an hour with 3 wild children. UGH!"  But I got over it and we played Simon Says, took a walk and got in and saw the nurse practitioner.  She tried getting it out and couldn't.  It hurt pretty badly when she did it and Hannah started crying.  Then the doctor came in and took a look.  He felt like it was too far in there and that she should see an ENT who could get it out more easily.  He didn't think it was an emergency or anything. So, we were on our way and will see the ENT tomorrow. 7 1/2 years and I've never had to deal with a foreign object stuck in an ear.   Motherhood. You never know what to expect!
I will say that I have had MANY unexpected moments during my years as a mom.  But what made today different was that, at the end of the day, I reacted differently than I usually do.  After the doctor's office, we still went to the Y and I exercised. I usually would have used this as a great excuse to skip.  I would've headed home and stopped by the gas station and gotten and nice little (or king size) treat to sort of ease the pain.  I would've gotten frustrated and rushed to get the kids in bed ASAP so I could chill.  Trust me.  I wanted to.  And it took me a few minutes to turn to God and make a different choice, but I did. I LITERALLY had to ask for strength to make the right choice.  And after taking the kids to their own classes I finally had a breather.  I even ran into a friend from college and had a great time catching up while on the elliptical machine.  Then I ran a mile.  Not my most awesome workout , but I felt great afterwards... I feel like I'm starting to get "un-stuck." Maybe tomorrow the object in Hannah's ear will be too.  ;)

Trashiest People on the Block

It's true. We are, without a doubt, the trashiest people on the block. That is, we have a lot of trash! ;)

Trash day is usually on Wednesdays, but this past Wed was the Blizzard of 2011, so we did not put the trash out. Randomly, the trash truck came zooming past on Friday early morning. I promise it took everything in me not to run out there in my pjs yelling 'Come get my trash!!!' Now, we have two weeks of trash piling up and it is nasty! I can't wait until Wednesday because it means all of this waste will be gone. The 'trash spot' outside will be clear, making the whole house look better. I LOVE trash day. I know, I'm weird.

The second half of 2 Corinthians 5:17 says 'the old has gone, the new has come.' I've been thinking about what 'old trash' I need to get rid of in my life. What things, physically and spiritually are keeping me from being the 'me' I want to be? Why do I hold on to some of this 'junk' so dearly? I'm spending so time praying about this during the beginning part of my journey. In the past, I've usually skipped this part. I begin with implementing something new (like exercise) without getting rid of something old (like eating a bag of cookies at 9pm!) As you can imagine, this approach isn't very effective! Thankfully, our God is a God of new beginnings. I wont go so far to say He is like the trash man... but I think you get the idea!

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*Focus*

"Focus, mom. Focus." My 6 year old daughter told me this for the first time about two months ago.  "Mom, you have to focus.  "What do you mean?" I asked.  Like when I ask you to get something and you say you will get it and then you stop and do something else first. Just do what you said first!"  Wow. Ouch. 
Today I was making burritos for our SuperBowl dinner with some friends.  My daughters were "helping," I had the meat cooking, was trying to cut up lettuce, make guacamole, put the cheese in a bowl, cook the refried beans, and find the torillas when I noticed a huge smile on my friends face.  "What?" I said lightleartedly. Are you laughing at how much I have going on?!" Then I told her what my daughter had said and she replied "She knows you well!"
I think most moms would agree that multitasking is an important part of our job.  I agree and have often taken pride at how many things I can do at the same time... ahem, or try to do.  But I remember one time Oprah saying (and NO, I do not sit around eating bon-bons and watching her... this was pretty much a one time deal!) that it is often less productive to multitask because of how distracted you can become.
Tonight I feel a bit distracted (and SLEEPY!!!)  There is a lot to juggle in my world, and sometimes I feel like I'm so busy doing EVERYTHING, that really I end up getting NOTHING done!  I have had some amazing God moments lately and feel like I have a picture of the goals I need to work on. But now, it's time to flesh these goals out into a plan.  Time to do what I said I would do before moving on to something else.  Time to focus.  But first, time for bed :)

My 1st Post...Ever!

Wow, this is a lost of pressure! My first posting on my first blog EVER!  I'm just getting started and am already feeling so much freedom from expressing how I feel. I have titled this blog "Happy New You" because I am on a journey of pursuing the "Me" I believe Christ wants me to be.  I have always loved journaling and thought this would be a way for me to put my thoughts on "paper." While I'm nervous about being vulnerable, I'm excited about what God is going to do in my life and looking forward to the friendships that are built or strengthened a long the way.  You can read more about this on my "Happy New You" tab.  How cool is that?! Day one, and I <3 blogging!