Lately I've had a new focus on trying to get my body back in shape. I don't have time for "The Biggest Loser" kind of focus, but I've been working hard to stick with it. Not only for my physical health, but my emotional health as well (and the sanity of those who interact with me every day!) It has been going pretty well, and really has started becoming a normal part of my routine. I've been mostly committed and seeing some results.
Well, yesterday, it came time to run. I knew I needed to do it. I knew I would be glad that I did it. BUT I DID NOT WANT TO DO IT! The truth is, I'm going through some rough stuff (as most of us do at one time or another!) and my feeling was "NO WAY!!!" After some serious battling with myself, I decided to head out for a jog around the "loop" by my house. 1.8 miles. It has a big hill up about halfway, and then a big hill down. It's usually enough that I feel like I've at least done something, but not horrible. So, off I go.
And about 3/4 of a mile in I see the big hill. And I'm telling you, I chocked up. I literally almost cried. I just didn't want to do this. My body was filled with the emotions of the "stuff" in life, and I just felt like I couldn't do it. But, I kept going. I thought, "no pain, no gain, right?" I prayed "Ok God, help me get through this." And, then this came over me...
Without Good Friday, there would never be Easter Sunday.
That may seem like it had nothing to do with running, but it had everything to do with what was holding me back. There are parts of life that really seem like there is NOTHING good about them. We feel discouraged. We feel defeated. We feel alone. While all of our situations in life differ, one thing rings true across the board.We look at that hill and think, "there is NO WAY I want to do this."
Mark 14:33-36
He (Jesus) took Peter, James, and John along with him, and he began to be deeply distressed and troubled. "My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death," he said to them. "Stay here and keep watch."
Going a little farther, he fell to the ground and prayed that if possible the hour might pass from him, "Abba, Father," he said "everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will."
Even Jesus felt sorrow. Trouble. Distress. It's easy for us to call today "Good Friday" because we have experienced the joy of the new life it brings. We have know the joy of Resurrection Sunday. But, really, there was nothing good about today. There was nothing that felt good in the moment about Jesus being nailed to the cross. And today, there is nothing that feels good about facing life's issues head on. But, sometimes... Without trouble, there isn't healing. Without death, there isn't life. Without Good Friday, there wouldn't be an Easter Morning.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Thursday, April 7, 2011
52 minutes as the Worst. Mom. Ever.
***This was the best picture I could find... it really should say "EVER" rather than "OF THE YEAR" :)***
Today it happened in a store. We had just had an awesome trip to the hair salon (all 4 kids got haircuts) and then made a "quick" stop at the store to get a gift. When we went in, we were the only ones there. My first mistake was that I let them play "quietly" with a few of the balls there. This started to get more and more out of control, and I got less and less decisive about what to purchase. I'm going to leave out a few details, but let's just say that I left the store with 2 screaming kids, and 2 more that were upset. I got everyone in the car. First, I lectured. One child started to talk back to me. Then, I yelled. Yep, you read that right. I'm not proud of it. In fact, I'm downright embarrassed. But, it's true and I want to be transparent. After that, I started to cry. Sob. It was ridiculous, actually! And then... Silence.
More Silence.
By the time we got home, I had settled down. I had gone from WORST MOM EVER to just NOT QUITE JESUS-LIKE MOM. We pulled in the driveway and I told the kids they needed to go to their rooms. The older two needed to write or draw about the way we should act in a store or out in public. 10 minutes later, they were allowed out of time-out. They handed me their papers. Apologies were accepted and we went on with our night.
But, I didn't feel better. I felt sad. Guilty. Frustrated. Alone. Embarrassed. Worn out.
I sincerely hope that you have never worn this crown. But, I suspect that I'm not alone. Whether we are in our 52 minutes of the WORST MOM EVER or the other 1000's of minutes of "NOT QUITE JESUS-LIKE MOM" we can rest in the fact that there is HOPE. There is GRACE. There is LOVE. EVEN in the worst of times. Actually, ESPECIALLY in the worst of times.
Matthew 11:28- 30 (The Message)
28 "Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. 29 Walk with me and work with me - watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. 30 Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."
Jesus, I need you. I'm frustrated. I'm tired. I having an evening where the minutes seem like hours. I'm not enjoying these precious gifts you gave me. Quite honestly, I just want them to go to sleep so we can start fresh in the morning. Jesus, you know me. The good, the bad, and the ugly. You know the desires of my heart. You know the mom that I want to be. I want to know you and I want my kids to know you. Jesus, fill me with your love so I can love the way you want me to... And, PLEASE, let my oldest child fall asleep quickly... Amen...
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